Contradictory.

I am sitting on my yoga mat, fake- stretching my hammies. And drinking champagne.


It's too hot to not drink champagne. And too hot to have tight hammies.

Cyst and Deceased.

I love when people pronounce things incorrectly. Especially on television.

I love when Tamra says "cyst and deceased" instead of cease and desist.

I love when Danielle Staub from NJ says "woman" instead of women.

I love that Kelly Bensimon thinks there's a huge difference between a professional cook and a chef.
I don't even want to begin talking about satchels of gold.

I wish there was more unscripted television!

Just another Friday night

I went to dinner with my dear husband and his friend that is in town. I ate such delicious vietnamese noodles and I had a beer that cost nearly as much as the meal. I appreciate those kind of priorities.

I am watching TLC's Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss. I must note, that I would NEVER sign up for a TV show under such a name. Maybe Big Love, as my Jenny suggested... but not Big Bliss.
This show makes me want to put on my own wedding gown. It probs won't zip. But it has soooo many ruffles... I love it. I love how it reminds me of the moment that I walked down the aisle toward a future with the love of my life...He is the best.

SPEAKING of the best... there is a new kitty across the hall. Maestro, a handsome tabby who guards the hall and patio, has a new baby sister. She is about a year old, a coon tail or something. Anyway, she is tiny, fluffy, light grey with white footsies. Yes, kittens have footsies, not feet. I die. She let me hold her without a problem. I think we are soulmates.


So that's my Friday - Say Yes BB, kittens, noodles, and pinot grigio (I feel like Ramona Singer)

God Bless the Real Housewives of Orange County

Just a few words on those crazy "real" housewives...

Disclaimer: I am a fan. A huge, obsessive, seen every episode, know way too much about these people's lives fan. And I do not apologize for that.

The Real Housewives of Orange County:
The original, in stark contrast to the nonsensical primetime nonsense drama Desperate Housewives (which no one watches anymore, BTW), stars some of the most delightfully botoxed, surgically enhanced, delusional women in the world.
And yet, I adore them. Vicki loves her job. Even though her job is selling insurance and obviously that job sucks. I admire that she loves her job. And that she's usually drunk. She has recently been through a traumatic divorce.
Tamra has recently been through a traumatic divorce, but still has a tasty dish of a boyfriend who takes her on trips to spain. And she bones him in a bathtub. On film. Which is awkward. But more power to ya, sister. Her ex=husband threw a dog leash at her.
Alexis is a good Christian woman who lets her husband walk all over her while she designs hideous dresses made of the same stuff they make bathing suits out of. She doesn't believe in traumatic divorce (I'm sure she knows it exists... she just doesn't want to have one). She also talks to a therapist at length about how she doesn't believe in it and has to work really hard to not traumatically divorce her husband.
Peggy is new. I don't get her. But her husband is young and she made her babies model. She recently has been through a traumatic bout of post-partum depression.
Gretchen designs handbags and tells her boyfriend Slade that he is fat. And that she can't marry him because he has issues with his child support (the issue being that he can't pay it). She has recently been through a traumatic engagement to an octogenarian who died. Did I mention she is dating Slade Smiley? And that is his real name?

Bravo TV has made my life better. I just really love it.

I'm basically a farmer.

I mean, I'm no Novella Carpenter, but I have a very successful crop of heirloom tomatoes that have grown quite happily (and deliciously) on my kitchen counter.

I'm more than a little impressed at my green thumbed-ness by growing tomatoes in the less-than-ideal tomato climate of the San Francisco Bay, but INSIDE, no less!
And yes, that is a spatula and a hairclip holding them up. I never bought any supports. I guess I didn't think they would really grow. BUT THEY DID.

I served some tomatoes with a salad for some lucky dinner guests last night.

I mean, have you ever seen a more adorable tomato?

I know I haven't.

Farm City: A Book Report

I went to the SF Public Library on Saturday, intent on finding a book I would actually finish reading. I struck literary gold when I found Novella Carpenter's Farm City: The Education of an Urban Farmer.  I quite literally haven't put it down. I stayed up until 11 PM reading last night.

I FORGOT TO DRINK WINE.

Side note, it's harder to fall asleep when you're all hopped up on the idea of beekeeping and not a bit tipsy on the vino.

ANYWAY, this story recounts the adventures in gardening and raising meat animals by my new hero, Novella. She has a garden, chickens, bees, turkeys, geese, ducks, rabbits and a pig. And she EATS IT ALL. Did I mention she lived in the hood in Oakland while she did all of this?? I mean, she lived next to a vacant lot and she made her community garden there. So I will basically never get to be as awesome as she is.

But a girl can dream.

Under Thirty, Undercaffeinated.

A sad, sad thing happened to me recently.

I went to the doctor regarding some digestion-related  issues. I have been lactose intolerant for about 7 years, which in itself is TOTALLY tragic, because I love cheese, ice cream, milk and anything made with those items. But as of late, even if I didn't eat those things... there were issues.

And so I went to the doctor. She politely told me to stop drinking caffeine and carbonated beverages.

MAY I just state for the record that my top five favorite things to drink are, in no particular order:
-champagne.
-coffee.
-dr. pepper
-pumpkin spice lattes
-beer.
-wine (ok, that was 6, but wine should be on this list!!!)

I absolutely AM NOT willing to give up champagne (or if I'm tring to lose a few lbs, vodka soda, which is similar is bubblyness, but less caloric) so I decided that the others (not beer, of course) had to go. No more soda, no more coffee.

Now I drink tea.

Tea is such a stupid drink. I don't even want to put anything in it. It doesn't deserve cream or sugar.

It's just a little bag of sadness that I pour hot water on so that I can have a bit of caffeine without the tummy troubles. I like the idea of tea. I like the concept of taking time in the afternoon to enjoy a warm drink and a sandwich without crusts, perhaps a scone... but it just isn't coffee.

It will never be coffee. The question now becomes... is this still living, without coffee? Am I still me?